After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
