What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
