You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
