Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
