I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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