You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
love makes seman taste better
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We need to get me chipped asap
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
