Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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