I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
