if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize