I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just gift wrapped bread.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
