dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
