And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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