I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
