I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we're so committed to being not committed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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