yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
