dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
