Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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