Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i barfeds in our rink
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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