it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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