i don't like sucking hair
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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