someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
