Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
