Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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