you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
