Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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