the condom got lost in my hair
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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