she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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