i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize