Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
