u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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