u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My hand turned me down
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
