I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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