I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
