You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
