I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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