my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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