Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
