you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
