I just pynch a tree in the face
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
