I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
