i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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