i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
