I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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