Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
