remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
