he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize