Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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