Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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