Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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