I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The air was thick with penises
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
