i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
