I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize