New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
