Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
