My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
