people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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