her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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