I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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