If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dignity is for republicans.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
