Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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