whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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