you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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