So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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