Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
