I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
