It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
