haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize