You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
