Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
