Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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