I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Screwed.edu
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
