Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
