Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
