Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
