I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
