Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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