Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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