i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
